My Communications Degree

Farmhouse Phone

I realize now I should have gotten a Communications degree. Maybe then I could communicate better with Ironman and the Littles. It seems lines get crossed easily in our house. I feel like my lips are moving and sounds are coming out, but the outcome is frequently the same. As I’ve mentioned before, Little J has numerous toys that are, to put it politely, obnoxiously loud. He likes to play with them all. At the same time. So at any given moment there could be trucks backing up, buzzers going off, balls rolling, all to the melodic background of lullaby machines and Sesame Street. I’ll calmly ask him to turn one down. The volume goes up. I’ll kindly ask him to turn one off. A ringing sound is added. My best guess is perhaps the space-time continuum somehow distorts my message. Something is keeping my words from penetrating his ears. I’ll have to mention it at the next checkup. At night, I tell dear Little J to sleep well and I’ll see him in the morning. Now this one may be my fault. I don’t specify a time or send him a calendar invite. So when he awakes at 2:30 am, technically he is in the right. Ironman, however, is an entirely different story. I don’t think the sound actually ever reaches his ears. I often tell him of plans I’ve made for us (post Ironman authorization, of course). A couple of days ahead, I even mimic the doctor’s office and remind him of our impending plans. On game day, Ironman has no recollection of these plans or the reminder. It’s as if time actually stops and rewinds itself. This fully supports his favorite statement which is “If I don’t remember it, it never happened.”. In all fairness, there may have been checks that went unsigned for several days, prohibiting deposit or pictures not timely printed and sent to grandma. But those are different-I heard him, I just forgot. It’s the non-audible side of the house I don’t understand. Ironman’s premature need for a hearing aid isn’t our only communication error. Sometimes our gender differences muddle things up. For example, when I say “This house has so much character!” He hears “Work.” When I say “I have an idea!” He hears “Work.” And when I say “I saw something on HGTV…” He hears “Way too much work.” Conversely, when he says “My Garmin watch got water in it.” I hear “I want to buy the latest Garmin watch.” When he says “I got a flat tire.” I hear “I want to buy wheels that are more expensive than my bike.” And when he says “The bike store is having a sale.” I hear “I want to buy the bike store.” I guess it’s never too late to go back and get that degree.

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