All By Myselfie

I’m sure you’re aware by now that teens today have a big problem. They have a photographer shortage. That’s right, all of the baby boomers are retiring. And since none of our youth is studying photography, it leaves them with no other option than…the selfie.


Profiles everywhere are littered with these solitary masterpieces. Phones are now handheld mirrors to the soul. Arms are strained as they reach high overhead to get the perfect chinless shot. And bathroom mirrors across the nation gleam as they claim the #1 slot for the self-portrait backdrop. Sources even report a high number of family vacations are going undocumented, with no empirical evidence the rest of the family was ever there. This is a growing problem. In a world that has become increasingly connected, these kids are dangling out there like astronauts untethered from their mother ship. Some say it’s just vanity. But teenagers aren’t the only ones affected. This selfie disorder is widespread, reaching celebrities and presidents. Leaders of nations, folks. This is clearly the result of a photographic reduction in force. Why else would expensive photo shoots of diplomats and A-listers be replaced by one-handed celebrity amateurs? And people continue to compulsively click the photo button. Daily, the masses are not smiling for the camera as mom so persistently directed. Their somber expression is contagious and these selfies are multiplying rapidly like gremlins exposed to water. Soon newspaper headliners will turn into the Sunday Selfies. Wedding photos will be mere tributes to their former single life. And baby Bjorns will come equipped with an extendable phone holster so a drooly finger can catch just the right moment for mom. Professional photographers, this is a call to action. We need you to rescue this generation in need. Mentor them with your Canons, your Nikons, your Sonys. Show them that there can be someone on the other side of the lens. With your help, someday pictures may even showcase multiple people again. I know together we can end this epidemic of solo snapping if we can just get back to basics. So ditch your smartphone and grab a lens cap, this one might take a while.


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